Five Times Garrus Didn't Get Humans
by AHazy
Summary: Garrus Vakarian hardly worked in such close quarters with humans, in particular human biotics, who managed to stand out even from their alien counterparts. Shepard and Alenko in particular, have become points of fascination for him. Culture shock is a lovely thing...particularly when it has to do with physiology.
1. Chapter 1

"I hate tropical planets." Garrus watched as Commander Shepard clambered into the shuttle that would take them back to the Normandy. The short and currently irate woman pulled off her helmet, sweat covering her brow as she rested it next to her. The turian perked up, and asked,

"Something wrong, Commander? Do you have heatstroke?" Apparently humans had a huge problem with that; Garrus was rather fond of the heat, seeing that Palaven was constantly cooking. But Shepard, and in particular, Kaidan, were susceptible to it.

"Nothing, Garrus it just…messes with my hair. If it isn't the heat, then it's my biotics." Kaidan let out a snort of amusement, to which the Commander snapped, "Don't you start, Kaidan! It fucks with your hair too, and you know it."

"I'd rather forget that, Commander…but you must have it worse, I mean…when's the last time you did a big chop?" Big chop? Garrus was still getting accustomed to working with humans…well, working in very close quarters with humans; most of the human females in C-Sec seemed to keep their…hair…short. He'd heard Williams say that Shepard's hair was 'thick' and very 'long', but he'd never seen it down from the hairstyle that the gunnery chief had called a 'bun'. And unlike the paler woman, Shepard's bun was on the top of her head.

The young turian watched in utter fascination as Shepard began pulling long, slender metal things out of her hair, then what appeared to be a black band. Hairpins and a scrunchies apparently, according to his research. To better understand his human crewmates of course. And then, she tugged it out of the thick coils it was in.

A sudden 'pomf' sound could accompany the Commander's 'hair' and it would seem perfectly natural. The black and grey locks fluffed out across her face, flaring up and framing her features. Garrus couldn't resist staring and leaned forward somewhat; he'd never seen a human with her length and texture of 'hair'. There was so much…volume.

"Hey, Vakarian, you okay?" Garrus looked over at Kaidan, and couldn't resist blinking. He'd thought that Kaidan's hair was straight, but it seemed that, like Shepard's it was all fluffed out and standing on end. "You look sort of freaked."

"Uh…not used to seeing varren that big…that's all." How was it that human hair managed to do that? It was like a gigantic fringe! Well, it didn't serve any purpose when one looked at it from a tactical perspective; if Serenity was from as hot a place as she said that Brazil was, wouldn't it be better to simply chop her hair? And wasn't hair flammable? Wouldn't Shepard's hair run the risk of getting stuck in something? But then again, she had been raised in space. He made a note to ask Williams if she was in a good mood; he was still rather cowed by the stern commander, and wasn't sure what her reaction to such an inquiry would be.

"It's going to take me a while to get this rat's nest back under control."

"Why not just cut it?" At the commander's scandalized expression, the lieutenant laughed, "Of course, your vanity won't let you. Didn't your mom keep hers long too?"

"My mom also tries to convince me her hair is black. I know where she keeps her hair dye. Plus she doesn't have to deal with biotic implants." So from what Garrus gathered from the conversation, the reason that Shepard and Kaidan's fringes…hair… was being so strange was due to the fact that they had biotic implants?

As the duo bitterly complained and compared situations, Garrus couldn't resist watching, fascinated, as Shepard ran her fingers through her hair, and then Kaidan's. He sort of wanted to run his fingers through their hair too; despite them complaining about the static, both Kaidan and Shepard's hair looked very soft and fluffy. Garrus didn't have a human fetish; but he knew turians who did. But he was beginning to see what intrigued them so concerning the humans. They didn't have the sheer strength of the krogan, nor the discipline of the turians, nor the intellect of the salarians or the grace of the asari, but they had perseverance and drive few other races possessed.

"Garrus?" The turian looked up, and realize that they had landed in the Normandy, "You coming or not?" One of Shepard's long curls had flopped down into her face, and Kaidan's hair looked more mussed than before. They looked…cute.

"Y-Yeah. Just…give me a moment."

This was going to be a long journey to save the galaxy.

* * *

 **Don't forget that reviews are love 3**


	2. Chapter 2

It was a rare shore leave the crew of the Normandy had received in order to refuel and restock on the Citadel. There had been talk of stopping to a random port in order to do so, but apparently the Commander had business on the Presidium.

Garrus had been contemplating meeting up with some C-Sec buddies, but decided not to in favor of going to lunch with Alenko and Shepard. He'd watched them more closely than he wanted to admit since seeing their fri…hair fluff out, but humans were just so…unique. The closest parallels he could think of were with the asari, and there was a world of difference, even then. It was a hunt to find a restaurant that served both dextro and levo food, but they eventually succeeded, a tiny hole in the wall just off the presidium served both burgers and foods that Garrus had grown up eating.

Serenity briefly complained about the rather dry meat before dumping a bottle full of red goop onto the burger, Kaidan laughed at her and followed her action. They called it 'ketchup' and said that it was made of some sort of Earth fruit called a 'tomato'…whatever that meant. Garrus, meanwhile, turned back to his meal; it was pretty good dextro meat, and after the shitty rations on the Normandy…

"One of my uncles called me the other day to tell me that Laura lost another one of her teeth." Wait, **what**? Garrus stared at Shepard alarmed; how could she say that so casually? He didn't know too much about Shepard's family, but he knew that Laura was just 6 years old.

"Huh, he's really proud of her. How's she taking her parents deaths?"

"She still asks for them, but I think she's getting better." Serenity sighed deeply, "But she's really looking forward to every single visit from the tooth fairy. I'm thinking of sending her a ship model for her birthday soon…" Garrus let their conversation fade into the background as he silently pondered: what the heck was a 'tooth fairy'. And what did it have to do with Shepard's family? Maybe the tooth fairy unceremoniously creeped on children and yanked the poor, unsuspecting kids' teeth out of their mouth…

"At least your uncle is nice enough to wait until they fall out; my dad used the old door and string method." Kaidan gave a slight grimace, "My mom claims it's the reason I had to use braces."

"I thought that's because you told me you used to suck your thumb as a kid…" Kaidan's grimace intensified, and his skin took on a pinkish tinge.

"I told you that while drunk, and that's beside the point." Okay, what was wrong with humans and mutilating their young?

"My mom used to wait until it was almost ready, get some paper towel, and just yank it out. Best way to learn how to deal with pain, she told me." Serenity took another bite of her burger, before turning to Garrus, "Turians don't lose teeth, do they, Garrus?"

"No…but that's awful what happened to you and Kaidan." Shepard and Alenko peered at him before laughing; the Lieutenant asked,

"Wait, what?"

"…Your parents yanking out your teeth…did you have to get surgery?"

"Garrus, all human children lose their teeth at a certain age so that their adult teeth can grow in." He peered at them, slowly attempting to grasp the concept. So…they did without teeth for a certain period of their lives? It sounded…evolutionarily unsound. Or at least, it sounded as though it made them…vulnerable. Made sense, seeing as they were soft and easily bruised already…

"That can't be real."

Fifteen minutes and several extranet vids later and Garrus felt sick. Humans really went through this? Every single one? That was horrible! Despite his horror, Kaidan and Serenity seemed amused, snickering at Garrus' reactions.

"Why would you show me all of this shit?"

"You didn't believe us!"

"It's disgusting!"

"That's humanity for you, Baby Vakarian!" Turians were born with teeth that steadily grew as they did; since most turians reached maturity between the ages of 15 and 20, it was safe to say that by 20, their teeth were at their full size. "Don't be too disgusted…that's not the worst thing about us, trust me…"

"I don't think I want to know much more about human aging..." The whole walk back to the Normandy consisted of Garrus sympathetically gazing at small human children with missing teeth with the Commander and her lieutenant snickering behind his back.


	3. Chapter 3

It began with a sniffle.

After rescuing the ex-Cerberus scientists off of Noveria, Shepard had begun to sniffle, occasionally stepping aside to hack up a lung or sneeze violently.

Kaidan, who had been down there with them, would frown at Shepard, but she waved him off, stating that she was perfectly fine, that it was probably just a minor cold.

By the time the Cerberus scientists had been dropped off to the Citadel to be transported to the Crucible project, the supposedly invincible Commander Serenity Shepard was bedridden with what Chakwas described as a flu.

Garrus felt helpless; he was supposed to be her boyfriend and yet he barely understood what Serenity was going through. Apparently humans could get sick if they weren't careful in the cold, which was…surprising to Garrus. The cold were merely uncomfortable to turians, but Shepard could get **sick** from it? She was sneezing, coughing, hotter than she usually was (and not in a good way), and had thrown up several times. And she was not an easy patient. The woman was practically a workaholic.

"Give it back, Garrus." Garrus moved the tablet out of the woman's reach, shaking his head,

"Chakwas said you had to rest, Shepard. And it's my job to make sure you do." She slumped forward, grumpily asking,

"Don't you have something to calibrate?"

"Did all of them ahead of time. We need you back at 100% as soon as possible. And besides, when's the last time you had a decent sleep?" An irritated grumble was the response he got, and in the imitation of a kiss, he pressed his mouth plates to her sweaty brow.

Interrupting the rather private moment, the door to the captain's quarters suddenly slid open, and in stepped Kaidan, holding a tumbler of some sort.

"Am I interrupting something?" Garrus gave Kaidan an expression of intense relief, stepping aside to let the man in. The Canadian laughed at Serenity as she sat up in bed, kinky hair all over the place and not at all in the usual prim bun that she was known for.

"Is that soup? Gimmie!" As she held her hands up in a grabbing motion, Kaidan handed it over. The commander screwed the cup off and a wonderful smell that Garrus couldn't put into words filled the room. Serenity took a deep whiff and sighed with contentment, before taking a tiny sip and putting it on the bedside table. "Thanks, Kaidan."

"No problem. I used to get sick with the flu all the time; it's a recipe my mom would use for me."

"Soup?" Garrus raised a brow at the man, as he explained,

"Chicken noodle soup. I don't think it does much for the flu, but it seems to help, so I figured Shepard might want some." Garrus looked over at the woman as she sipped, bit by bit on the soup, occasionally chewing when she came across the meat that was called 'chicken' or a vegetable. As she ate, Kaidan and Garrus chatted about everything; from the last mission to the latest Blasto, agreeing that if Shepard had seen it, she would burst a blood vessel in sheer rage. When she was full and content, she flopped back against the pillows, pale eyes hooding in exhaustion.

"Feeling better, Shepard?" Garrus pressed the back of his hand to her forehead, and noticed that her temperature had gone down just a smidgen. She'd finished much of the soup; Garrus silently hoped it wouldn't make a sudden re-appearance.

"Mmm. C'mere." Despite her illness, the Commander was still extremely strong, and pulled the turian into bed with her, arranging him on her right side. Then she turned her attention to Kaidan, patting the space on her right side. "You too, Kaidan."

"Uh…I don't know if Garrus would be okay with that."

"Sure he'll be. It's just cuddling. Are you okay with it, Garrus?" Garrus was still new to 'cuddling. Turians had their way of showing affection, but 'cuddling' wasn't really one of them. And while he was usually pretty territorial and protective of Shepard…Kaidan joining them didn't bother him. In fact…he sort of liked the idea.

"Sure. C'mon Kaidan, if it makes Shepard happy…" The biotic nodded and got in on the other side, as the Commander settled into the soft bed and let out a sigh of contentment. Within moments, she was asleep; snoring slightly due to being congested. Garrus confessed, laughing a bit,

"…Humans are strange."

"You're one to talk. How do turians drink, if you don't…" Kaidan tapped the side of his cheek. Garrus chuckled, making eye contact with the man,

"Funny you ask about that…"


	4. Chapter 4

"C'mon, Garrus; just one more drink!"

"Yeah, don't be a stick in the mud." This was not how Garrus Vakarian, deadly Archangel, the greatest sniper in the whole damn galaxy had seen his evening going. He'd intended to go out for a drink with his human partners, go home with some take out, maybe spend the evening breaking in Shepard's new bed…or couch. Or carpet. Or whatever surface could hold the three of them as they went at it like starved varren.

Instead, he watched as Kaidan and Serenity downed yet another shot, loudly cheering as the hot liquid seared through them. They were going to be so sick tomorrow…

"I don't think this is a good idea. At all. You two have had way too much." Human tolerance was so… **low**. They'd only had several glasses of turian brandy; not even what would constitute a full bottle on Palaven. And yet Serenity and Kaidan seemed fully intent on destroying their livers. It was something remarkable to watch.

"Garrus…you could join us." And he was tempted. Both humans had taken on a rather appealing flush on their soft skin, and Serenity had worn a rather lovely low cut shirt that displayed the soft mounds humans called 'breasts'. He had grown rather fond of those breasts, just as he'd grown rather fond of the hard planes of Kaidan's body. He wondered if any stalls in the bathroom were free…

"And allow you two to get away with further debauchery? No thanks." Serenity pouted and slumped down on the counter, as Kaidan leaned against Garrus' shoulder. The younger male sighed deeply as the salarians bartender laughed,

"Those two yours?"

"Sadly. Could you cut them off?"

"Sure. I think they've had enough anyways." It was hell trying to get them from the bar to a skycar; Kaidan saw fit to tell Garrus how much he LOVED him, how pretty his eyes were and 'COULD YOU DO THAT THING WITH YOUR TONGUE YOU DID AFTER RANNOCH?' Serenity was a squirmy drunk, whereas Kaidan was happy and loud as all hell.

They were making a damn scene, and Garrus was amazed that, for the first time that **he** was the responsible one.

You could call Garrus the renegade; he was four years younger than Serenity and six years younger than Kaidan, leaving him the junior partner in their relationship. He often had to be talked down from his more radical ideas by Kaidan, calm and cool, or Serenity, composed and rational. He was the one more likely to beat scumbags into submission with the butt of his gun, while Kaidan smoothly convinced them to go along with the arrest and most scum pissed themselves at the mere mention of Shepard's name. One man had actually shit himself when Shepard entered the room; she had felt a bit bad for him afterwards.

Needless to say…

He wasn't used to wrangling his tiny, squishy humans.

But the amount of alcohol they drank…had it been healthy for their tiny sizes? What if he'd poisoned them? He'd been the one who suggested going out to the club. Compared to him; Kaidan and Serenity were actually sort of small.

Kaidan was of average height for a human man in 2186; he was 6'1, and while his bulk wasn't as large as say, Vega's, he had a muscle structure that suited him. Not wiry, but not overly built either.

Serenity meanwhile, was a teeny, tiny woman, below average at just 5'3; she only came to Garrus' chest without her armor on. While she certainly had muscle on her, there was fat as well; she had wide hips and a heavy bust.

So maybe all that turian brandy…hadn't been a good idea for levo-based lifeforms.

Garrus himself was taller than the average turian; he was about 6'7, weighed nearly 245 lbs. without his armor on; turians were all bone and muscle, but they were heavy. On a regular day, hauling both his lovers up was a piece of cake.

But it was the fact that Serenity was whining about losing her drink and Kaidan wanted to look at every store window they were passing and 'Oh look, Garrus they have that new model of the rifle you like'. Finally flagging down a taxi, he shoved both of them into a taxi, and sighed deeply as Serenity wriggled out of his grip and up against his lap; meanwhile Kaidan slumped against Garrus, his breathing slowing slightly as it seemed that their alcohol fueled hyperactivity calmed.

Okay. No more turian brandy for them.

It made Serenity squirmy and Kaidan overly chatty, and that was something Garrus couldn't quite handle. If they survived this war (and they were going to, damn it), he was going to get overly shitfaced one day so that they could drag him back to their home. See how they liked it.

Finally getting them up to the apartment, both Spectres collapsed on the couch, and he took a moment to breathe deeply. This hadn't been the fun evening he'd envisioned.

"H-Hey Garrus…." He turned to the side, to see Serenity and Kaidan grinning lewdly at him. Oh? It seemed that the night would not be so bad. "You wanna have some fun?"

"I was just thinking of that…" They got up to the bedroom at least, the three of them a writhing, grinding mess on the bed…

And then BOTH humans fell asleep, snoring on top of Garrus.

If he could scream safely, he would.

Humans were soft and, dare he say it, cute, but boy were they lightweights.


	5. Chapter 5

The war brought a new era, a new challenge, and a new start to everyone.

Next to the batarians, whose empire had been all but utterly decimated, humanity had lost the most. By the end of the war, less than 500 million humans remained in the galaxy.

Garrus was utterly cowed by their sheer resilience. They had mourned the loss of their comrades, and yet began to rebuild and attempt to understand this 'synthesis' with a furious energy the other races viewed with admiration.

Kaidan had been seriously injured in the final push; he'd suffered burns, broken bones, damaged implants and some internal bleeding. Garrus had been lucky to get away with some scrapes and bruises. He'd been there when Kaidan had woken up, gasping for air and asking for Shepard.

Serenity.

Garrus' face told Kaidan everything that he needed to know. The biotic had mourned, crying for the first time in Garrus' memory long into that first night on the tropical planet, but had thrown himself into helping when he could as they began to repair the Normandy. He was a silent mourner, Garrus would learn, the man spent hours with his face pressed up against Garrus' smooth neck.

By the time that they made it back to Earth, Shepard had been assumed MIA due to the discovery of the bodies of the Illusive Man and Anderson. But of course, humanity showed their bravado again when Anderson was revealed to be comatose rather than dead; the deadly blast had missed vital organs.

When the long, painful process of healing began, Garrus threw himself into helping where and how he could. Although the synthesis had allowed them to leap forward and sped up the rebuilding process, the emotional and mental scars were long-term. With the Hierarchy in turmoil, he was suspicious that Shepard's prediction about 'Primarch Vakarian' might be closer to reality than he was willing to admit. With no news from the colonies, Garrus was jumpy, unsure of the survival of his father and sister.

Kaidan was a comfort, distracting Garrus when his mind and burdens grew to be too much, even though Kaidan spent a month and a half after returning to Earth wheelchair-bound. Sometimes the man would steal him and they would stare out at the horizon of London, drinking and swapping stories of their childhood, of the early days of his military service, of the first time they'd met Shepard. Sometimes he was stolen for a less innocent purpose that ended with the two of them, pressed together, staring as the sun rose over earth.

News eventually came from the other cities on Earth; the destruction was on never seen levels, and yet it brought news, and personal hope to the duo.

Three months after the battle for London, and with the earth's transportation restored, Garrus met Dimitri and Sofia Alenko. He'd been bowled over by the amount of acceptance he'd received from the Alenkos; although he, Kaidan and Serenity were popularly understood to be in a relationship, it was never something that they publicly addressed. Sofia had immediately begun to fuss over both males, as Dimitri began to help rebuilding efforts, despite injuries he had also sustained.

A week and a half following that, he met Hannah Shepard. She was a rigid, stone-faced woman, so like her child that it hurt. But the woman had been a devoted mother to her child, taking the challenge of being a single mother with as much seriousness as she did everything else. And yet, in the quieter moments, the woman wanted to know everything about her daughter's adventures from Garrus and Kaidan, complaining that Serenity had always been such a reserved and secretive child. She listened, silent with rapt attention, as they recounted their many missions.

"She'd always claim 'Mamãe, don't worry about me. Focus on your work'." Hannah would take a long drink, then continue, "Yet she would be the first to ask, 'Are you eating, Mamãe? Did you sleep last night, Mamãe? Don't forget to take your medication, Mamãe. Go to your therapy sessions, Mamãe." He couldn't imagine how broken her heart was, having lost her only child, and yet he never saw her angry or sad. She always remembered the best of her daughter.

Eventually, with unexpected assistance, the remaining relays were repaired, and Garrus was forced to face the reality of separation from Kaidan. The man assured him that his place was on Earth, and they were forced to undergo a painful separation. Communication was maintained, but the distance was difficult. It reminded him of the six months' separation from Serenity. The one consolation he received was reuniting with his father, Gaius, and younger sister, Solona.

And then, a miracle happened.

And it began with a former Reaper.

Hope was a AI with a human android platform not unlike EDI created by Harbinger in order to interact directly with humans. In her 'life', she had been the Queen of the Innusannon, the last survivor of her race who stood against the Reapers. Her resilience and sheer defiance had piqued Harbinger's interest, and he 'preserved' her, in addition to others in past cycles. Although she was treated with suspicion and outright hostility at first, when it became clear that she wanted to help, others opened up to her.

Hope had been assigned, first to the new 'capital' of the galaxy on Eden Prime, then had been sent to Palaven to assist with the repair of their energy grid.

"Hope?" Garrus had been called down to the site when it appeared that the android had malfunctioned, suddenly falling limp while linking wires. He kneeled down next to her, all the lights on her platform dimmed in some sort of attempt to conserve power, it seemed. "Hope?"

"…! Systems online!" She suddenly sat back up, shaking her head and blinking in a surprisingly organic manner. "Oh. Garrus Vakarian?" She gave him what appeared to be a strange attempt at a reassuring smile, although it came out more resembling a grimace, "It is wonderful that you are here."

"Wait…why? And what happened just then?"

"Sometimes Harbinger forgets this platform is limited. The flow of information he sent to me briefly overwhelmed my core." She stood, turning fully to face him and taking his shoulders, "We have to go to these coordinates. Now." Garrus frowned slightly,

"What are you talking about, Hope."

"Just trust me, Garrus."

And with that, Garrus contacted Joker; the android had been insisted on the Normandy being the vessel used to travel to the distant and remote planet. They even got a lot of the old crew together; Vega called it 'one last hurrah' before they were shipped off to desk positions. Garrus was inclined to agree. As Kaidan was still technically healing up, he'd been barred from the mission, something that he'd sulked about over the vids sent to Garrus. But the turian assured his lover that should they find anything; he'd be the first to know. This only **just** consoled the man.

The planet itself was an untouched paradise; Garrus was positive that it would be ideal for colonization. The wildlife wasn't overly threatening, the air wasn't toxic, and there was a lot of freshwater.

And then, they came to something that stood out, even on the planet.

It appeared to be a small base of some sort, not unlike the outposts on various moons around the Universe. Standing in front of it were two other androids, one based on a male human and one based on a male turian, who Hope introduced as her 'partners', Diligence and Valor. They explained that they had been the caretakers of this facility the moment that the Catalyst had vanished, and had built their bodies in order to perform some sort of project.

Despite the group's hesitation, Hope assured them that their journey was almost over, and they followed the three androids into the well-lit, but cold and metal facility, eventually coming to what they could only describe as an organic-synthetic cocoon with all sorts of machines around it. Valor walked up the machine, pressing several buttons as the cocoon hissed open, the glass seemingly melting away.

And out tumbled Shepard, as naked as the day she was born, as whole as the very last time that Garrus had seen her; although she was missing some scars. She slumped against Hope, who merely cradled her as the members of their party stared in absolute shock. She slowly came to, struggling with her surroundings, then croaked,

"…H…Hope…you…Diligence and Valor told me about you…while I was in there. T-Thank you."

"…Hello, Shepard." And for the first time Garrus could remember, Hope smiled. Genuinely.

Serenity's pale lilac eyes then turned to Garrus, and she weakly stretched her hand out towards him. He felt numb as he went to take it, removing his glove before he did so. Warm, soft, and real. She was alive? She was alive. She stumbled towards him, clearly having to relearn how to walk, and gripped his mandibles as though she herself couldn't believe he was there, hungrily gazing at his face as though she would never get to see him enough.

"Garrus. Garrus." Tears began to well up in her eyes, and she cried, pulling him down into a hug, "Garrus." In response, he clutched her tightly to him as the others began to recover from their initial shock, elated by the return of their commander.

When they returned to the Normandy, Serenity was stunned to see Joker stand in shock, salute, and walk towards her; although he still limped, there was no pain in his expression. She burst into tears again when the man put his arms around her; the closest thing she had to a brother, and clutched him tightly, burying her face in his shoulder.

The first thing they did was contact Admiral Hackett, who swore when he saw Serenity greet him and asked her, his voice a little misty, if she actually knew how to die. Garrus wanted to keep Shepard's return a complete secret until her mother, Anderson and Kaidan had seen her; the higher-ups of the Alliance were more than happy to comply.

On their way back to Earth, Serenity did everything she could to at least be able to walk with a cane, and a few steps without; Dr. Chakwas assured him that she'd regain full mobility after intensive therapy, but her muscles had gone a long time without use. The restoration of her body had rendered her 'pure' to say the least. There were no signs of the Cerberus implants, no signs of the scars from Torfan.

Once again, Garrus found himself stunned by her drive to get better, and the enthusiasm of the human crew who helped her to get there.

When they got to Vancouver, Hackett and a small detail met them. Officially the reason given was that there was some sort of eezo core being transported. Admiral Hannah Shepard was irate as they walked towards her in the rebuilt galactic embassy's conference hall,

"I hope you have a good reason for dragging Anderson and I from London, Hackett." The Admiral shook both their hands,

"There was something classified that I needed you both to see." Garrus tried to keep his mandibles from spreading in his version of a grin; Anderson saw Serenity emerge from the waiting room first. She'd already been told that he survived, but the relief on her face was staggering.

"What's so important that you…couldn't...just…" All Hannah could do was stare at her daughter as the woman walked towards her, leaning heavily on her cane.

"Mamãe."

Hannah slowly reached out and cupped her daughter's face, eventually placing both her hands on the Commander's cheeks, before pulling Serenity into a deep embrace and sinking to the ground with her. Hannah attempted to fight back the tears, but eventually broke down sobbing as she clutched the younger woman to her.

Eventually the elder Shepard had to be convinced to release her daughter so that they could make one last stop because they broke the news to the galaxy.

Although Kaidan was normally between Hong Kong, London and Vancouver these days, it was with extraordinary luck that he was taking a brief sabbatical for his birthday; his parents and Garrus had insisted on it.

And the expression on the man's face when Serenity knocked on the door and Kaidan was the one to answer it?

Priceless.

"I think Death hates you, you know."

"I wouldn't be surprised if I'm number one on his shit-list." And for the umpteen time that since she'd gotten out of the pod, Serenity was crushed to yet another person's chest. Kaidan's parents were stunned to see the savior of the galaxy three times over on their porch, but Sofia quickly invited everyone inside, flustered that she didn't have anything ready, and the house was still a mess, and oh Garrus, couldn't you have let Dimitri and I in on this?

Evening came, and Garrus found himself drifting off on the comfortable couch as Serenity helped Sofia and Hannah with the dishes, despite the women insisting that she should just spend time with the boys and regain her strength.

"I'm tired of not doing anything. Besides…now I have all the time in the galaxy. Third time's the charm, you know." Sofia tutted and called her a busy-body as Hannah just rolled her eyes and told her that she hadn't changed a bit. Garrus then turned his gaze to Kaidan, who was nearly fully recuperated, having several beers with his father and Anderson.

He'd thought he'd feel out of place here, but he felt…at home.

When he opened his eyes again, Kaidan and Serenity were snug against him, snoring quietly. Someone had draped a blanket across the three of them, and he could see Hannah and Sofia softly tittering about them, watching from the base of the stairwell that lead to the second story of the Alenko's rebuilt home. He shifted, pulling them tighter to him, and let out a breath that sounded like a chuff.

The genetic odds were stacked against them. Human were soft, they had easily flammable hair and lost teeth as they aged. They could become deathly ill if they even got too much water on their heads, and they were tenacious. And yet the galaxy, even after the war to end all wars, stood in utter awe of them.

Maybe not understanding humans wasn't necessarily a bad thing. Maybe just being able to see them for himself was good enough.


	6. Chapter 6

Garrus had been woken up by many things over the years.

Explosions, cold water to the face, the sound of a Reaper…

But it was always the sensation of little hands on his face that made him sigh in happiness and crack an eye, peering at his krogan son. The child was just over 9 now, and for a krogan was rather shy and quiet. They'd named him Joaquin. Next to Joaquin was his sister, Maea, who had been adopted from Palaven shortly after Wrex showed up with Joaquin.

"Daddy…Ashley made a mess an' Thane is hungry…." Garrus turned his head to see that his human partners were still sleeping; He grinned slightly and decided they deserved the rest; Serenity was still recovering from childbirth and Kaidan had pulled double duty last night with the new baby and the toddler. Pulling himself out of bed, he yawned widely, stifling a laugh when Maea tried to mimic the action, and shuffled to the nursery. Ashley was sitting up in her little toddler bed, her blocks scattered everywhere. It was likely that she was going to be as tough as her namesake.

Thane on the other hand was wriggling about in his crib, and gazed, irritated at his father as he walked in.

The baby was definitely hungry, and he was about to wake everyone in the house with his demand for food.

The fact that Thane was here today was a testament to how far they had come; when Serenity had gotten pregnant again after Ashley, they had been excited.

But then her morning sickness had blood in it, she was pale and often dizzy, and one day, she collapsed. A visit to the hospital confirmed that she was pregnant with a hybrid human-turian. Although there had been a couple of cases in the years since the synthesis, there were complications with the child and Serenity's. The doctor's first piece of 'advice' was an abortion. Serenity turned red, told the doctor where he could shove it and they left.

It was a difficult nine months, but they had pulled together, not just with each other, but their 'extended family', the crew of the Normandy. Miranda made it her personal business to do weekly checkups with Serenity, documenting every step of the process, in case it happened again.

But, whether it had been the work of quite a few doctors or the spirits looking out for them, Thane was born, healthy and for the most part, a good size. Mother and son were kept for an extra three weeks in the hospital, but they would make it.

He'd felt guilty all throughout. It was his child that was causing one of the loves of his life so much agony; distancing himself emotionally from it all as Kaidan tried to stay excited and enthusiastic for Serenity's sake. It had all come to a head in her seventh month; they'd been trying to decide on nursery colors and Garrus was having no part of it. When Serenity had pushed, he'd snapped and driven her to tears.

Kaidan grabbed Garrus by his mandible, told his mom, who was downstairs, to keep Serenity company, then dragged Garrus out to the car, shoving him in, and getting into the seat next to him. After driving for almost fifteen minutes, Kaidan turned to Garrus,

"So, what's crawled into your cloaca and died?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Bullshit." The normally mellow man turned to his mate, "Ever since Serenity announced she was pregnant, you've acted like she's carrying a demon spawn. Do you know how much it's hurting her? She thinks you don't want this child."

"I…do…"

"Then fucking **act** like it, Garrus. She thinks you hate her."

"I don't but…fuck!" Garrus slammed down on the dashboard of the car, "…That child…our kid…it's hurting her." Kaidan pulled over, took a deep breath, and looked over at the younger turian, who had buried his face in his hands.

"…are you blaming yourself for this, Garrus?"

"My child damn nearly tore its mother's insides open, Kaidan! Humans, you're soft, delicate! Your bones break too easily, and you aren't even born with teeth sharp enough for survival!" Garrus took deep breaths as he ranted, "But you always look at something at least twice your size and declare you're going to beat it into a bloody pulp! Humanity lost everything and all it did was fire them up! Serenity died twice, Kaidan, TWICE, and all that did the first time was piss her off!"

"Garrus…"

"She's too…soft for this…" Garrus could feel a burning in his eyes and realized that he was crying… "Too…too delicate…" He continued to cry as Kaidan gave Garrus his shoulder, "…you're too delicate to deal with this…"

"Delicate, what are you talking about?" Garrus blinked at Kaidan, who was giving him a half smile. "Even carrying a **human** child is dangerous for us, Garrus. There's a lot Serenity hid from us when she was having Ashley. But…"

"But what?"

"She's happy to be carrying your child, Garrus. It's something she never thought she'd been able to do."

"…I'm a dick."

"Yeah, but you're **our** dick. Now come on, Rini will worry if we're out for too long." By the time they got home, Sofia Alenko was waiting for them. After smacking Garrus over the head with a frying pan for good measure, her expression softened and she told them that Serenity was upstairs. Serenity was sorting through some samples when they found her; her eyes were still red and puffy from her tears and her skin was still swollen. Garrus walked in, and sat next to her, surprising her, and studied the samples. Placing his hand on her stomach, and feeling a slight flutter beneath it, he said,

"…The blue is good." A look of utter happiness crossed her face,

"Of course you'd be biased towards that, Garrus."

It had, a couple months later, completely shocked doctors when Serenity delivered Thane via natural labor rather than a caesarian section. There had been a lot of screaming, threats and even a broken hand, in addition to the fact that the entire crew of the Normandy who had served under Shepard INSISTED on being there. You think they'd be less enthusiastic after Ashley's birth.

It had been an 18-hour labor, but they'd crowded around her bed for a photo once the child was born and in good shape. Garrus looked at the framed photograph on the wall.

He, Serenity and Kaidan were in the center of the chaos. Rini's hair was everywhere, her eyes were red from crying, screaming and threatening both his and Kaidan's manhood, and she had dark-circles, but to Garrus, she was stunning. The birth of children was celebrated far more in alien cultures, and Garrus had insisted on the traditional clan salute of rifles, much to Serenity's dismay; he had done the same thing when Ashley was born.

"Daddy." Speaking of Ashley, she was attempting to climb up his pants leg, her bright lilac eyes boring into his skull.

"Yes, Ash?"

"Can we have cereal?"

"Don't you want pancakes?" Garrus nor Maea saw the appeal of the overprocessed crap, but it had been a favorite of Kaidan and Shepard's when they were young, and Ashley and Joaquin loved it.

"But cereal is easier to make." The two of them stared one another down; even Thane looked between where the two of them from where he was balanced on Garrus' hip.

"Pop has pancakes on the schedule, Ash. You know that."

"…Yeah, but Pop doesn't know that you said 'shit' in front of us last night." Garrus' mouth clapped shut as a sweet little smile spread over his tiny human daughter's face. Yep, definitely as ballsy as her namesake. Plus, Kaidan would flay him alive with his mind if he found out that Ashley was fully aware of swearwords. He sighed, loathe to admit that a 5-year-old had outwitted him,

"Okay. We'll have cereal." By the time Kaidan and Shepard dragged themselves from the bedroom, the kids were munching away on levo and dextro cereal. Since the synthesis, they wouldn't have to panic if their dextro kids ate a levo food or vice versa, but Garrus maintained that levo food was too sour. Kaidan looked at the food schedule on the fridge, then back at Garrus,

"…we were supposed to have pancakes." Shepard waved them off, taking a bowl of cereal for herself,

"Don't worry about it Kaidan, this is a lazy Sunday. You know; you get to stop being Ambassador for a moment, Garrus gets to stop being Primarch for a few days, and I appreciate all the wonderful help that I get here at home." Garrus chuckled,

"You know, the Alliance would happily have you back. Or you could take over your mom's place on the Council. I think she's contemplating murdering Tevos."

"Bah, Sparatus would help her; he has the hots for her anyways. Besides, I won't be like you and give into her pleads for a vacation. That's how Victus got you."

Garrus snorted, and all was peaceful until Thane clapped together his little hands and chirped out,

"Shit!" All chewing and chatter came to an end, and Garrus felt two pairs of very angry eyes on him.

"…Thane, what was that?"

"Shit! Shit!" Garrus saw it now; _Palaven Primarch Reaved to death by angry, squishy biotic mates_. That was it. He survived Reapers, geth, the collectors and ceremonial parades just to be taken out by two tiny, angry humans. So he decided to take his chances and turned to them,

"Have I told the two of you how…soft and lovely your hair is?"


End file.
